


Such Jolly, Happy Souls

by IAmANonnieMouse



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, This is the Frosty the Snowman AU you've all been waiting for folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 12:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13077189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse
Summary: "Your people skills leave a lot to be desired, darling," the snowman said.Arthur squinted at him. "This, coming from a talking snowman.""I clearly have more charm than you," the snowman countered.





	Such Jolly, Happy Souls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adara/gifts).



> For adara, whose prompt was "snow."  
> I kinda skipped snow and went to snowman haha, but I hope you enjoy!

The first magic kit Santa gave Arthur was a beginner's set, complete with a deck of cards, a coin, and a fake thumb. Arthur adored it. His collection grew after that, steadily bolstered by Santa's contributions.

"Santa isn't real, Arthur," Mal murmured to him as he brandished his new silk hat.

"Then who gave me this?" Arthur asked.

Mal shrugged. "Someone real, maybe?"

A rabbit stuck its head out of Arthur's hat, chittering angrily.

Arthur looked at the rabbit, then turned back to Mal. "You were saying?" he asked.

Mal shook her head and walked away. "I don't want to know, mon ami," she said. "Just keep that angry rodent away from me."

Arthur patted the rabbit on the head. "Good rabbit," he cooed. 

The rabbit bit him.

~+~+~

Arthur went to college, because that's what every successful magician was supposed to do, and he became a professor at the local school of witchcraft, which was ranked thirty on the top fifty schools of witchcraft and wizardry in the world.

It was a nice life, considering he spent all his days teaching amateurs how to make cards appear out of thin air.

One afternoon, Mal dropped by his office. 

"Arthur," she sang.

"Oh god," Arthur said. "No, whatever it is, I don't want to do it."

"You'll adore this," Mal said. "My friend is a middle school teacher, and she wanted to do something special for her students before winter vacation."

"Oh god," Arthur said. "No. No way."

Mal smiled broadly. "I told her you could drop in and perform a few tricks."

"Oh god," Arthur said, and he stuck his head in his hat.

~+~+~

Middle schoolers were far from Arthur's ideal audience, but as Mal had so sweetly reminded him, he hadn't performed in front of an actual, real-live audience in years. He flourished his hat and winced as three eggs fell out and splatted on the floor.

The kids all laughed, the little shits.

Arthur sighed and bent down to wipe up the mess. Messy, messy, messy.

It was clearly time to break out the rabbit.

He brandished his hat, but the rabbit refused to emerge.

The kids were still laughing, and he wasn't even doing anything.

He stuck his head in his hat. "Hocus Pocus!" he shouted, along with a few other choice words. "Get your furry ass out here."'

Hocus Pocus told him to kindly fuck off. And then he absconded with Arthur's hat.

~+~+~

"I'm really sorry," Mal's friend said as she walked him to the door. "I didn't realize this would be so…"

She smiled helplessly.

Arthur shrugged. "A danger of the profession," he said, straightening his suit. He was going to have to find another magic hat.

"Well, thank you so much for coming out here," Mal's friend said. Arthur hadn't even bothered to remember her name.

"My pleasure," he lied through his teeth, and he stepped out the door.

"Happy Birthday!" a voice cried.

Arthur glanced across the yard and saw the impossible: a snowman had stolen his hat!

"Wait just a minute!" he shouted, chasing after the juggling snowman and his entourage of beastly children. 

The snowman paused and turned towards him expectantly, smiling charmingly.

"I," Arthur stammered, sliding to a stop in front of the snowman. "That's my hat you're wearing."

"Oh," the snowman exclaimed. "I had wondered who would own such a lovely thing. It's really very comfy."

"Thanks," Arthur said. "Can I have it back now?"

"But you can't take it back!" one of the girls cried. "Frosty won't be alive without it."

"Frosty?" Arthur echoed, arching a brow.

"Does the name not suit?" the snowman asked, smirking.

Arthur rolled his eyes and informed the girl, "Frosty won't be alive once winter ends, anyway."

"Such harsh truths," the snowman murmured.

The girl burst into tears.

"Um," Arthur said.

"Your people skills leave a lot to be desired, darling," the snowman said.

Arthur squinted at him. "This, coming from a talking snowman."

"I clearly have more charm than you," the snowman countered.

Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Oh," the snowman said, looking over Arthur's shoulder. "We've lost our audience."

Arthur turned around in time to see the kids march across the street, muttering about pesky magicians.

"So," the snowman said, "whatever shall we do?"

Arthur looked at him. "I'm sorry," he said, and he almost meant it. "But I really need that hat back."

The snowman sighed sadly. "I don't suppose I could trade you something for it?"

Arthur dragged a foot through the snow. "I got it from Santa when I was kid," he admitted. "I don't really want to trade it for anything."

"Oh, bloody hell," the snowman muttered. He lifted Arthur's hat, and Hocus Pocus was sitting on top of his snowy head. "I'll take the rabbit off your hands," the snowman offered.

"I don't really see how you can do it without my hat," Arthur commented.

"True," the snowman said, drooping slightly. Then he gasped. "Take me to the north pole!" he said. "Santa can get us another magic hat, and then we'll both be happy. I'll even hold onto the rabbit, if you like."

Arthur stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"Completely," the snowman said. "You're not doing anything important right now, are you?"

Arthur pulled out his phone and called Mal. "You're not going to believe this," he said, "but I'm going to the North Pole. Want to come?"

~+~+~

Mal was not the least bit surprised to learn that Arthur had befriended a snowman brought to life by Arthur's magical, Santa-gifted hat.

"I think it's a sign," she said, smiling.

Arthur had absolutely no idea what she meant. 

"How do we get to the North Pole?" he asked. "I don't think a snowman is going to get through airport security."

"I'd probably melt anyway," the snowman added. 

"Oh, shit," Arthur sighed. "I forgot about that."

The snowman bumped his hip against Arthur's. "I can only look this gorgeous in the cold, darling."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I'm not walking to the North Pole," he said.

Mal scoffed. "Obviously not." She pulled out her phone. "Saito," she said, "can I borrow your jet?"

"Oh god," Arthur said, and faceplanted into the snowman's puffy side.

"Who is Saito?" the snowman asked.

~+~+~

Saito was more than willing to give them his private jet _in the name of the public good._

Arthur didn't know what that meant, either.

The snowman got his own private icebox and was very pleased. Mal sat across from Arthur and sent him significant looks throughout the flight.

Arthur decided she'd enjoyed Saito's mini bar a bit too much.

They landed right outside Santa's Village, and Arthur just accepted Saito's omniscience and didn't even try to understand how the _hell_ Saito knew where Santa lived.

A small, dark-haired elf came out to great them. "So happy to have you here!" she chirped. "Santa's been expecting you."

The snowman grinned, his coal eyes sparkling. "I love the North Pole already."

Hocus Pocus hopped off the snowman's head and landed on Arthur's shoulder, chittering.

"What, you got sick of being under the hat?" Arthur asked.

Hocus Pocus nipped his ear and curled up against the side of Arthur's neck.

The elf led them through a set of fancy, candy cane gates and walked towards the tallest structure in the village.

"Are those…gingerbread chimneys?" Arthur asked, frowning.

"Yes," the elf answered. "Why?"

"Um," Arthur said. "No reason. Just curious."

The building's front door swung open and Santa stood in the doorway, grinning. "Merry Christmas!" he shouted.

Mal giggled like she was in middle school all over again. "You're a little early," she said, smiling. "My name's Mal." She extended her hand like she was royalty.

Santa, in his blond-haired, beard-less glory, took it and bowed over it, brushing his lips against her knuckles.

Mal tittered, batting her eyelashes.

Arthur glanced at the snowman. "What the fuck," he said.

The snowman shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she can get our magic hat for us?"

Santa straightened and squinted at them. "Right, your hat." He stepped back and waved them inside. "Perfect timing, the reindeer just delivered it."

He gestured to the nondescript box sitting on the foyer table. 

Arthur stepped forward and slowly lifted the lid. "Oh god," he said.

The snowman sidled up behind him and peered in. "Oh my god!" he exclaimed. He reached down and pulled out the silk reindeer-and-paisley-patterned hat. "I love it!"

"Thought you would," Santa said, from where he was unsubtly holding Mal's hand.

The snowman took off Arthur's hat and replaced it with his new monstrosity. "Do you like it?" he asked Arthur.

Arthur hesitated. "It suits you," he managed.

The snowman beamed and handed Arthur his hat back. Hocus Pocus immediately hopped into it and settled with his paws curled over the brim.

"Well, thanks for this lovely adventure," the snowman said.

"We don't need to leave right away," Mal said, too quickly to be anything but obvious.

Arthur looked at her, and at Santa. "I guess not," Arthur said.

"Saito didn't say when we needed to bring the jet back," Mal added.

"Come on, darling," the snowman said, jauntily tipping his new hat. "Let's go build more snowmen!"

"Oh god," Arthur said, but he followed the snowman back outside and left Mal to figure out whatever she had going on with Santa.

He didn't even want to try to understand what was happening right now.

~+~+~

It turned out that building snowmen with a snowman was a very hazardous venture. The snowman kept losing various limbs while rolling up the snow.

They gave up, eventually. Snowballs of various sizes littered the yard.

The young elf came over with two mugs of hot chocolate. "It was a good effort," she said. Then she turned to the snowman. "Santa would like to invite you to live with us on the North Pole."

The snowman stared. "Really? In Santa's Village?"

The elf nodded. "It's not bad here," she said. "It'll be better with a Mrs. Claus, finally."

"A Mrs. Claus?" Arthur echoed.

"Yeah, that's the other thing I was going to mention." The elf turned to him. "Your friend there is going to become Mrs. Claus."

Arthur blinked. "Oh god," he said.

"You're welcome to stay here, too," the elf added. "Your friend was insistent."

Arthur fiddled with his hat. "Thanks," he said. "But I should really head home."

The elf nodded. "Okay. See you probably never."

She walked away and the snowman started to follow her. He stopped and turned back. "You promise you'll come and visit?" he asked.

Arthur smiled slightly. "Yeah," he said. "I promise I'll come and visit."

The snowman grinned, eyes sparkling. "Good. Until next time, then." He doffed his paisley hat.

Arthur echoed the motion. "Until next time."

He turned and walked to Saito's jet and determinedly didn't look back.

Saito met him at the stairs. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

Arthur hesitated. "Wait, you were on the plane the whole time?"

Saito ignored him. "I lend you and your friend my private jet in the name of the public good, and you don't even do what you're supposed to do."

Arthur frowned. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Saito looked at him like he was an idiot. "Stay here on the North Pole and live happily ever after." He turned away, muttering, "I have to do everything around here."

Hocus Pocus chittered in agreement from his seat inside Arthur's hat.

Arthur blinked and slowly pivoted so he was facing Santa's Village again.

"Okay," he said to himself. "Happily ever after. I think I can manage that." He started jogging through the snow, following the obnoxious green beacon of the snowman's paisley hat. 

"Hey!" he called. "Save some hot chocolate for me!"


End file.
